Aesthetician, tell me this.

Why does a bikini wax cost $45 and a Brazilian cost $80?

I was remembering something earlier that happened a long time ago and it made me laugh.

My first experience with non-facial waxing.

I was a freshman or sophomore in highschool and just starting to get obsessed with beauty... I had seen a commercial for Nad's... remember that stuff? Nad's? Seriously, who the fuck names it NAD'S??

Anyway... My mom bought some Nad's (that just sounds so wrong...) and I was determined to try it... So, I didn't shave my legs for 3 weeks.

At that point in time I was miniscule and could wear pretty much anything I wanted. Mostly I wore a lot of short skirts with fishnets and combat boots. But... short skirts don't really go with unshaven legs.

I had to figure out how to hide my hairy legs and still be able to wear the clothes I always wore so no one would suspect anything! I tried the opaque black tights thing, and sometimes I could actually see the hair through them! Damn my dark-haired Italian genes!

At the end of three weeks I was looking more like a monster than a human, and I was super excited to try out my new Nad's (wouldn't you be?). I follow the directions precisely... Wash with the soap, dry, apply, and put the cloth over... Hold skin taut and pull in the opposite direction... RIP!

And I thought to myself..... Wow, I didn't expect there to be that much blood.

Since then I have become a waxing pro. No more accidental skin removal. It's interesting how we learn these things. I still prefer to shave my legs, and leave other waxing to a professional... But still, it's a valuable skill to have.

Oh yeah, Nad's tastes like sugar. They said on the commercial that it was edible, so I tasted it. Mmm... Nad's.

An article about me! Except... Drugstore? Please. You know, I could have bought another car with the amount I spend on makeup. But cars don't make my lips sparkly.

Scrangie's Winter Survival checklist:

Korres Guava Body Butter: Pretty much the best moisturizer ever. Smells kinda funky, like ... Guava... But it makes your skin like... Bananas. Er... that wasn't quite right. Soft. Some soft fruit that isn't guava. Ok, it makes your skin really soft and hydrated. Forget that whole fruit thing.

Benefit Sandal Scandal: Even if you aren't wearing sandals anymore and you have the excuse that no one will see your feet (except everyone in your pilates class)... You must still care for your feet. This foot treatment has 10% AHA, soaks right in, and comes with cute pink pompom socks. It's like an overnight pedicure. Smells like Benefit's Maybe Baby fragrance too. No more nasty mint-scented foot products!

MAC Moisture Feed Skin, Philosophy Hope in a Jar: Two top quality super creamy facial moisturizers. When the weather gets cold and dry you need to switch to a heavier moisturizer... Like a protective scarf for your skin. Don't forget your sun protection, either!

Tend Skin Solution: Miracle in a bottle.

My Lip Stuff, MAC Tinted Lip Conditioner: MLS comes in over 300 flavors, is dirt cheap and totally awesome. MAC TLC is cute, comes in cute colors, tastes like cake, has SPF and keeps your lips from cracking and falling off in the wonderful midwest winter.

Frederic Fekkai Technician Color Care Mask: Winter = dry. This means hair, too. Dry hair is sad hair. Especially when you have expensive color to maintain.

Bare Escentuals Faux Tan: Ok, I admit. I tan. But I shouldn't. You shouldn't. If I had to have a tan out of a bottle, it would be this one. I don't need a Paris Hilton bronze, I just want a not-a-corpse glow. BE Faux Tan has bronzer so you can see exactly where you apply, plus it gives you some instant color. The color is natural and flattering. One word of advice: wear gloves. You'll have brown palms if you don't... all that extra bronzer soaks in and stains.

Philosophy Cinnamon Buns: It's a shower gel that smells like cinnamon buns. What more could you possibly want? If cinnamon buns aren't your thing, Philosophy has a bajillion other amazing options, such as: Mint Chocolate Chip Ice Cream, Sugar Cookie, Strawberry Milkshake, Lemon Custard, Chocolate Chip Cookies, Melting Chocolate, Pumpkin Pie.... need I say more?

Now, take your glowing skin, your glossy lips, and healthy hair, top them off with a non-dorky hat and some chic sunglasses, and you're all set to not die from the -245 degree Chicago winter.

Or at least die and leave a very sexy corpse.